How to win a slap boxing fight

How to Make Friends

If you need a network, it has to be there.

Ute Blinds, coach

Friendship is a fragile term and it is worth looking at it in a very differentiated way. First of all, it is important to distinguish which types of friendships there are and which people we can even consider as friends or whether they are perhaps more of the acquaintances. In addition, it is also of interest to think about the way and the various possibilities of creating friendships. Last but not least, we have to carefully differentiate between private and business friends.

Some people generally have a hard time making friends: there can be a variety of reasons for this, and there are many advisors out there to help make this process easier, but in this case it is extremely helpful to have a picture of the animal kingdom. Can you imagine that it would occur to a trainer to persuade a lion entrusted to him to do his work with pressure, coercion or criticism, as some people try to do with their fellow human beings? It would fail miserably on the spot. Through positive incentives and rewards, which will not be discussed in detail here, he will achieve his goal, namely that the Leo acts in his sense.

Almost 100 years ago, the American communication and motivational speaker Dale Carnegie wrote the book “How to Make Friends”, which quickly became a bestseller and is still one of the most important books in this field today and, with a few reservations, has lost none of its validity.

In times when the family is under scrutiny, friendships have become increasingly important. In them one looks for commitment, security and reliability, but we also want to preserve our identity and not have to disguise ourselves.

There are some basic principles in dealing with people:

  1. Do not criticize, judge or complain.
  2. Give your appreciation generously
  3. Arouse longings and desires in the other person.

What can I do myself to be liked, valued, loved?

  1. Smile opens the doors.
  2. In any language, the other's name is the most important word to make a connection.
  3. It is important to be a good listener and to encourage the other to talk about yourself.
  4. Develop a sincere interest in the other person.
  5. Speak in words that the other understands and use words from their world and areas of interest.
  6. Make the other person feel important and be convinced of that too.

How do I win people over to my views?

  1. With arguments or pressure, we will never achieve our goal.
  2. It is advisable to always start out benevolently.
  3. Respect the opinions of others. Never say: "You are completely wrong."
  4. If you are wrong yourself, admit it as quickly and emphatically as possible.
  5. Let the other person do the talking most of the time.
  6. Try to see the situation from the other person's point of view.
  7. Appeal to his honorable motives.
  8. Communicate your ideas vividly and show how important they are to you.

How to lead and influence people without attacking or upsetting them.

  1. Always start with sincere appreciation and praise.
  2. Always let the other save face.
  3. Make him aware of his mistakes only indirectly.
  4. Talk about your own mistakes first before communicating about other people’s mistakes.
  5. Ask questions instead of giving directions.
  6. Give the other a reputation that they would like to live up to.
  7. Make it easy to correct a mistake by encouraging and supporting it.
  8. Make the other happy and satisfied when they can do the right thing.

Some of the points mentioned above are perhaps particularly relevant in professional life, but most of them are universal and now more important than ever: we don't need more pressure, but more freedom, appreciation and cordiality.

How do we get to know each other and how do friendships develop?

There are innumerable possibilities in this area. Some people get to know each other at school and stay together for a lifetime, experiencing all the ups and downs together.

Others, on the other hand, find each other while pursuing a hobby or colleagues often become friends in professional life. And sometimes fate has completely different, sometimes extraordinary options in store: for example, the Chief Police Commissioner Dieter Beutel, after he was retired 27 years later, made friends with the “escape king” and cocaine dealer Detlef Kowalewski: he was behind the facade from the start recognized the people!

Beyond sympathy for one another, one instinctively recognizes on another level which people are at your side and can support you, in whatever area.

What is the difference between women's and men's friendships?

As a rule, you have a handful of good friends who stand by each other even in times of need and whom you can rely on. Women usually look for girlfriends with whom they can discuss everything: hardly a topic is left out.

Men usually have a harder time looking inside themselves - they prefer to talk about their job, politics, hobbies and the like. Often they have a boyfriend for a specific topic ... but even among men there is a best friend as with women there is a best friend, which is all the more painful when such relationships sometimes break up. Even if only a few believe it: there are stable friendships between men and women in which sex does not play a role.

Of course, you can step out of your comfort zone and actively look for friends. We may have to jump over our own shadow and dare to do something.

After getting to know each other for the first time, the main thing is to intensify, deepen and cultivate the friendship over the long term - this takes time and energy. But both are well invested!

  1. You can search for that person on social media and write to them.
  2. If you have met someone on the Internet, you should let the contact become real as soon as possible. Because the real friendships still take place in real life.
  3. A rejection should be assessed realistically, also for the reason that we do not immediately interpret it as a personal rejection.
  4. It pays to be brave and take the first step and ask the other about a meeting, because that's the only way the relationship can develop. A second and third meeting is often necessary. You have to find out how each of these is designed.
  5. At the beginning you shouldn't have too many expectations and give the new relationship time and let it develop in peace. True friendship, which should be based on security and trust, rarely emerges overnight.
  6. Review your own ideas about friendship. Expectations that are too high can quickly overwhelm the other person. The risk of being disappointed is then great. So it pays to be realistic in this regard.
  7. Accept the other person for who they are and do not try to manipulate them according to your own wishes. No one is without quirks.
  8. Everyone wants appreciation and recognition and it is important to get this in a friendship, but also to give it. It becomes difficult, however, when we are dependent on ourselves to feel valuable. Be a good friend to yourself - then you will appear much more self-confident to others and can make new friends in a relaxed manner.
  9. In true friendship, it is important to show genuine interest in one another. This can be done by asking the right questions and then listening and reacting accordingly.
  10. Leave your cell phone in your pocket and concentrate fully on what you are talking to. This gives the other person full attention and is much more emphatic. That is good for him and he feels good.
  11. Memorize important dates, preferences and events from the other person's life. That surprises him and he is positively touched. You can write it down, but you shouldn't disclose it.
  12. Variety is good for every friendship. It can make sense to get off the beaten track and try something completely new. Common experiences connect and let us move closer together.
  13. Be honest with one another and live your own values. It is true friendship to show oneself as one is and also to get to know the other with his feelings and thoughts.
  14. Be there for the other and feel when the other needs support. But also respect if the other person rejects the offer and only offer as much as you are willing to give.
  15. It is worth addressing disruptions directly, because there are hardly any relationships in which there are not occasional disputes and misunderstandings. Always send I-messages and don't blame them, because they put a strain on the relationship. This is the only way to have an appreciative exchange and to feel comfortable and secure.
  16. Gifts maintain friendship, but that doesn't have to be just for birthdays and Christmas. Small spontaneous attentions in between, material or immaterial, which correspond to the current situation, maintain the friendship.
  17. We all make mistakes. Everyone will be disappointed at one point or another. This is also what happens in friendships. If we, perhaps unconsciously, blame the other person for the mistake on a permanent basis, then that puts a strain on the relationship. It is important to forgive, because then you can let go of what has happened and look into the future again and friendship can grow as a result.
  18. Basically, a friendship, like a flower bed, can flourish best if we don't constantly criticize each other, but rather show the other person recognition, appreciation and gratitude. Because all positive experiences that we have in a friendship are not necessarily taken for granted. And it is important to always remain authentic, only then can the other person appreciate and accept it as well.

Friedrich Schiller already spoke in his ode to joy, "Who has succeeded in being the friend of a friend;" ... which basically expresses how valuable and unique a friendship is.

In contrast to family, friends are people we can choose. We decide for ourselves who we like, whom we trust and with whom we want to spend our valuable time. And: Every friendship is individual, how two people shape it and how they feel comfortable in it.